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From Unconscious to Conscious

It was over five years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. The day I realised that I had been unconsciously creating my life. I vowed then that I would do this no more.

I had been studying the Law of Attraction for the past five years and I understood the basics. I had used what I knew to get me my 2 bedroom, nice, modern apartment with a big balcony in Dublin against all the odds (a story for another day). But since moving in with my 2 month old Harmony in September 2015, my world began to crumble and I lost sight of all I knew. I was lost, recovering from a mountain of trauma and all alone with my baby girl. It was March 2016 and I was beginning to come out of my deep depression when a wave of knowing hit me. I had asked for this life, like literally the single Mom living off welfare in her own apartment life. I was even living in the same apartment I had specifically idealized on the days when I drove past it in my friends car and I hadn’t even realised. It was when I realised exactly where my apartment was located in relation to my old college’s back entrance that it clicked...I CREATED THIS.

So let me rewind a couple of years previous so you understand what I actually mean. When I was 20 my best friend had a beautiful baby boy. It was such a big part of my world at the time. I met him when he was only a few hours old and spent as much of my time with them as I could. But I watched with rose coloured glasses on...when she got her own two bedroom apartment I thought how lucky was she. She was living the dream; not having to work and getting paid to play with her baby. How wrong was I, I am certain the reality of what she was living was not at all rainbows and butterflies as I had painted it to be in my head because it certainly wasn’t for me when it became my reality.

I used to daydream all the time that that life was mine, that I would have a beautiful baby girl with my own two bedroom apartment all to ourselves. I used to look at apartments online and when I was out and about, picking out what I liked and disliked. I knew I wanted to be on the first floor, if the lift broke there would be only one flight of stairs to walk and it felt safer than the ground floor. I figured out I wanted wooden floors throughout the apartment, two big bedrooms, an open plan living area, a bathroom and an ensuite. One day I was in my friend’s car when she drove out the back entrance of our college. I had never gone that way before. When she drove up the road a bit I saw a block of apartments, the first one in view had a really long balcony and the sun was shining right on it! I remember saying to myself, wow that’s the perfect apartment.

For about a year these daydreams were my go to escape from reality, I loved playing them out in my head. Then I started thinking about other things. I wanted to travel the world and be young, wild and free. The single Mom dream faded away from my focus...but the seed had already been planted so strongly that it came true. I was living in that apartment 6 months before I had this realisation. Since then I have done everything in my power to become a conscious creator.

It wasn’t all plain sailing since then, there have been some heavy bumps and falls and some very tough lessons to learn but I am now certain that I am now consciously creating my life. I am living the life of my dreams that I have consciously chosen!

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